Mindfulness Lessons from My Grandmother

Mar 26

At this time in our world, given the challenges and stressors that have affected all of us over the last five years: COVID pandemic, political polarization and civil unrest, socioeconomic crises and racial disparities and violence, the term “mindfulness” has been used quite liberally in the media, as a remedy to heal our battle weary hearts, and soothe our collective and individual psychological unease. So, what is mindfulness exactly? New age “hocus pocus” or a relevant modality with empirical studies too numerous to count?

For several decades mindfulness has been researched by government research institutions and universities alike and found to be highly effective in the reduction of stress response and facilitating the relaxation in the mind and body, both inward and outward. Mindfulness has been practiced in various forms and belief systems(though not aligned with a specific one) for centuries: through the use of sound (chanting, singing, classical music, drumming), prayer, mantra, guided and silent meditation, gardening, painting, yoga, martial arts such as Taekwondo, Tai Chi and Qi Gong, breathwork, sports such as fishing, forest bathing, hiking, various forms physical exercise. dance, journaling, reading, crafting, etc.

When I am asked by clients what exactly is “Mindfulness” I respond by borrowing the book title by Ram Dass (aka the late psychologist Richard Alpert), and George Harrison’s song: Be Here Now. Easier said than done!

Yet when a person finds the tool or exercise that facilitates and strengthens their ability to stay in the present, to focus, with pure observation and without judgement, their daily onslaught of stressors and mental turmoil may turn from “fiery arrows to lotus petals” falling to the ground, under their own proverbial bodhi tree!

Basically, mindfulness is a way, with the use of relevant exercises I just mentioned, which evoke and support the ability to be in the present…not having a mind that wanders to last night, last month or last year, or caught in the web of thoughts of “woulda, coulda, shoulda” of past regrets, misgivings, and self-loathing. Nor is it being consumed with catastrophizing on future events that are not here yet. A mind which lives in the past tends to be a depressed one; a mind which constantly wanders into a future land inhabited by the “What ifs” is not beneficial either. Not for goals such as self-love, self-care, and mental wellness overall.

I did not initially learn of mindfulness from a book, but from my Mexican grandmother. When I was a child, my grandmother was treated for breast cancer. This was the 1970’s, an era when only prominent women such as former First Lady Betty Ford, disclosed their cancer diagnosis and treatment. My grandmother bravely and discreetly dealt with her own diagnosis, while taking her eldest divorced daughter and grandchildren into her home and preparing for the weddings of her two youngest daughters. She had her hands full that Summer! The extent of her illness was never explained to me or my cousins. I did know I had a special relationship with her, as the eldest of a dozen grandchildren. Even as a child, I respected and followed her lead, as our spiritual and cultural matriarch and devout Catholic, who addressed her mental and emotional needs in unique, relevant ways: socializing, crafting, gardening, a healthy diet, daily, prayer, guided meditation, time in nature after chemotherapy.

One day, wandering down a hall in her home, being led by a peaceful voiceover from a bedroom in the quietest part of her home, I peeked through the door, to find my grandmother sitting in front of her stereo listening to an LP album of guided meditation by Roy Masters. He was a hypnotist, author of “How Your Mind Can Keep You Well,” and hosted a local radio program, “Moment of Truth” when he took calls from his listeners, like my grandmother. Imagine “Fraiser Crane” with an English accent offering frank dialogue on self-care and overall wellness. Well, Grandma listened to Mr. Masters, along with “Radio Cali,” “KLOVE: Radio Amor,” and Big Band hits, while sewing in her garage or cooking in the kitchen. She was ahead of her time in seeking ways to maintain peace and wellness in her life, by honing her mindfulness.

I would venture to guess that the external stressors she experienced during her lifetime may have contributed to her illness in some ways: immigration across the American Southwest, after the Mexican Revolution; The Great Depression when she left high school to support her family; World War II; Vietnam War; social unrest, poverty, and raising seven children in a crime-ridden community. Nevertheless, Grandma stayed curious, and hungry for knowledge which would improve her life: through the Catholic Church, Adult School, Parks and Recreation, books, and the media. This seemed to be even more so after her diagnosis, facing mortality at fifty-nine years old. That afternoon, she patiently invited me to sit by her side, as she closed her eyes and listened to the guided meditation, to learn how to “stay present.”

Over the years I maintained my own curiosity on what it meant to “be here now,” to stay the course of open-mindedness in my life, as a path to wellness and greater mindfulness. I thank my grandmother for this lesson and introducing me to very practical tools to reach a mindful state in my life, as an individual and in service to others as a psychotherapist.

To learn more about my work and approach, please send me an email to: deborah@alvaradotherapy.org.

For more information on the benefits of mindfulness and its various forms see:

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-mindfulness

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/types-of-meditation#movement-meditation

https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities/

https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-of-meditation/

https://www.brothercamillus.com/

https://undoubtedgrace.com/christian-mindfulness/

https://www.uclahealth.org/uclamindful

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/

https://www.davidlynchfoundation.org/

https://www.mindandlife.org/